UEFA: FAILURE WAS AN OPTION

A short post UEFA match WhatsApp chat with an American friend.

Harold: A little bird whispered in my ear that Holland lost its first European Championship match.

Me: You heard right. We totally suck. Tell me how much we suck. Tell me I’m a bad girl.

Harold: Nah, I’m not going to do that. Well, I hope you still had a good time last night.

Me: Fun? After witnessing how our boys got their asses kicked by Kong Christian? Oh, sure, we had a blast...until I lost my cool and screamed at my friends that I would ritualistically murder them and bury them in the courtyard.

Harold: O.o How classy of you to take your disappointment out on the girls. How did they react to that?

Me: By screaming in agony as I stabbed them to death while pledging to consecrate my life to the Golden Calf.

Harold: The fuck?

Me: All hail the bovine god.